Solutions

Sorry I haven’t typed in a while. My computer caught a virus and it took a while for my virus-scan to give me an update with the correct solution. Solutions are the trick to life. Solutions to all kinds of problems. I searched for a solution to her, to revenge; to redemption, to saving what I have.

I disappeared on Valentine’s Day. I went out and wandered the city. I found myself down one street, then another street—walking farther and farther from our little apartment, our loud little building. I found myself browsing an organic food shop. There were canned fish, soy milks, strange vegetables, and they sold canvas bags for shopping. Instead of plastic bags I saw them reuse the boxes their goods came in for the customers without their own little canvas bags. I wandered around and found some modern sculptures erected between some large buildings. A rusted monster being held with bolts and gravity. A statue-nail hybrid in a circle (hard to describe) and a towering cone made of reeds and old piping. I wandered all day. I even went to a theater and watched a movie. I ate over buttered popcorn and drank a diet soda.

Then I came home. She was worried, scared, upset. This was my revenge. This time I disappeared on her. I left her without me, reminding her that she does need me as much as I need her. My redemption, how I saved what I had, was the vase of flowers and the little card with hearts that I brought home with me. They broke her and she said, “I love you, I love you, I love you. God, don’t go again. I love you.”

This time I found control. Things are feeling better.